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Frottage Fromage

How the cheese plate can make her randy.

Women may frottage you if you serve them a traditional French cheese course during your culinary seduction. The silky, smooth textures of cheeses can be very sensual. Soft cheeses like brie are like butter. They melt in your mouth with every bite. Pop a grape in her mouth and wash it down with champagne. You will both be in pure bliss.

What does frottage mean anyway? It's when you're in a crowded place, such as an elevator, and a woman brushes up against you with her boobs in a subtle yet flirtatious way. The actual definition is, “the act of rubbing against the body of another person, as in a crowd, to attain sexual gratification.” I love to say both of these words together because I think about food as much as I do about sex. Combine both and that’s in the triple digits.

Fromage means “cheese” in French. Did you know that cheese contains hormones that make you randy? In addition, cheese is not only good for your teeth, but great for your bones too.

The cheese course is traditionally served right before the dessert course. Sometimes I like to skip dessert, because the cheese course can be so sexy. Cheese can boost one’s sex life, help with stress, and relieve pain. It contains an amphetamine-like chemical called phenylethylamine, or PEA, which is also found in chocolate and sausage. Happy hormones. Cheese has ten times more PEA than chocolate. (Source: British Cheese Association.)

The classic French cheese course usually offers a minimum of three cheeses, each representing a different type of milk (cow, goat or sheep's milk) or a different family of cheese. Each cheese can be placed around the platter in the best order to taste it, from the mildest to the strongest. If you go to a good cheese shop you can sample cheeses before you buy. Ask their advice. They will be more than happy to help you out.

The cheese platter is served with just enough fresh bread. Thinly sliced baguettes work best for me. However, thick country bread can work well too. Keep your bread simple. Don’t get herbed bread, or anything with fruits, nuts or different types of flour in it because it will compromise the flavor of the cheese. Neutral breads are your safest bet.

I love to add jams, honeys and other companions when creating a cheese plate. My favorite is getting the stinkiest cheese possible and serving it with honey and honey comb. It’s amazing! But don’t do this for your date unless she loves stinky things. If she is a foodie, she may. Cherry preserves, fresh fruit, dried fruits and nuts work well too.

You can drink red, white, champagne or even beer with your cheese plate. Best of luck with your frottage fromage evening.

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